Belfast Telegraph
Tuesday 11, December 2007
Naomi Wilson should have celebrated her 15th birthday on October 9. The bubbly schoolgirl had a weekend of fun planned including go-karting with friends. She’d told relatives what gifts she wanted for Christmas and later in the afternoon she was going shopping with her dad’s partner, Roma, to get a brand new computer.
Instead, at 9am on the morning of her birthday, Naomi was discovered dead in the bedroom of her home in Dromore, Co Down, after overdosing on painkillers to take her own life. Her family are still fighting to come to terms with what happened. “Nine weeks on and we’re still in shock,” says her aunt, Shiralee Bailie. “The pain is always going to be there and every day it gets harder to cope with because it just becomes more clear that she’s gone. I still expect to see her coming off the bus or appearing round the corner.” Naomi used to stay with Shiralee (49), her uncle Peter (49) and cousins Rosie (26) and Neil (24) on Wednesday nights and weekends. Her parents David Wilson and Belinda Orr separated when their daughter was four and Shiralee, David’s sister, was used to Naomi staying with them, thinking of her almost as a second daughter. “We did everything that a mother and daughter would have done,” she says. “If I bought something for the other children I would always have bought for her, and I still find myself picking up tops in shops thinking ‘Naomi would like that’. In some ways it makes it harder that we were so close to her and have so many memories.”
Naomi was a popular teenager in year 11 at Dromore High School. Her parents had separated when she was four, and in the past three years she had moved in with her father and started a new school. ” She’d everything going for her, she liked school and had friends coming out of her ears,” explains Shiralee.
She was fascinated by stock car racing and a keen member of Lambeg Girls’ Brigade where Rev Ken McReynolds is chaplain. “She was always so full of life,” recalls the rector, who also preached at Naomi’s funeral. “She was outgoing, attractive and interested in so many different things - she would have been the envy of her peers and was a very popular member, especially among the more senior girls. It’s so baffling that someone so vibrant could have had a problem that would lead to such a drastic action.”
This is the question that tortures Shiralee - why? “Stupid things come back to me like should I have told her off for wearing make-up or short skirts? They are stupid things but they keep me awake. People say ‘you did everything for her, what more could you have done’? But I’ll always think I should have done more. I didn’t know something was troubling her. She knew we were here and we were always open and talked about everything so what did I do wrong that she couldn’t tell me?”
More confusing is the fact that Naomi had made so many plans for the future. She wanted to run the Lisburn fun run next June; she had persuaded her older brother to buy her tickets to see rapper 50 Cent perform last month in Belfast; she’d high hopes of heading off to university one day. “She was not someone without a purpose in life,” says Shiralee. “And she’d told all of us what she wanted for Christmas.” The Jordan fleece bought for her and all her birthday presents now lie untouched upstairs in the Bailies’ home. Naomi was an outgoing, fun-loving girl with a wide circle of friends and never showed any signs of feeling depressed or suicidal.
The last time Shiralee saw her niece was on Wednesday night, October 3, at Lambeg Girls’ Brigade where Shiralee and her daughter Rosie are both officers. The girls had been learning hand bell ringing with Mr McReynolds. “She was acting like a wee clown,” remembers Shiralee, with Mr McReynolds also fondly recalling the night as “great fun”.
On Monday, October 8, Naomi came home from school, opened a present from her grandparents and then went to her room. She decided she didn’t want dinner, which was not unusual for her. At around 8pm she met her dad in the corridor outside her bedroom and said she was going to head to bed. “There was nothing particularly unusual,” says Shiralee. “She would have spent a lot of time in her bedroom like most teenagers.” The next morning Roma went to wake her. Although normally she would have shouted in, today she opened the door to see Naomi lying as if asleep. It was only when she went over to her and lifted her arm she realised she was dead. She phoned paramedics who attempted to resuscitate her, but it was too late.
At 9.30am that morning of October 9, Shiralee got a phone call telling her Naomi was dead. ” I just screamed,” says Shiralee. “In my mind I thought she’d had an accident on her way to school. I never once thought she’d have done that.”
There was no note and the packet of painkillers was found under Naomi’s bedclothes where she lay fully clothed. Her funeral was held in Dromore Cathedral on the Friday and was attended by hundreds of mourners who filled the church and spilled outside. “There must have been over 300 young people there - I’ve never seen so many young people at a funeral,” recalls Mr McReynolds. “I found it a very difficult service. Pastorally it’s hard to know what to say as I was conscious there were so many young people before me and we don’t really know what problems young people go through today.”
Shiralee says: “So many people thought a lot of her to be there. Her favourite colour was yellow and everyone brought something yellow to the church. The people who were special people in her life all wore yellow roses and once the coffin was lowered down, we threw the roses on top of it. She was carried out to the tune Bright Eyes. She’d the biggest, shiniest eyes I’d ever seen and ‘Bright Eyes’ is what her dad called her. She had her dad wrapped around her little finger, she was his life. I know eventually he’ll pick up again, but he just can’t at the moment.” As difficult as the funeral was for the family to get through, it’s been the days since then that have been hardest. ” Girls’ Brigade is so hard now,” says Shiralee. “We buried Naomi in her uniform so now every time I put on the uniform I’m thinking of her. On Wednesday nights we don’t even make dinner anymore. We used to always have lasagne and chips on a Wednesday, that was Naomi’s favourite, but when I made it the Wednesday after she died it ended up in the bin - I’ve never made it since. We’ve no life at the moment, what’s happened is there all the time. There are little reminders of her all around, like the space where she used to curl up on the sofa to watch TV or the Christmas decorations she bought for us to put up.
“We’re really dreading Christmas, but we’re still going to have it. Naomi loved Christmas and every year on Christmas night she loved to have a family party and get everyone singing. She hadn’t a note in her head, but she loved beating out The Gambler.” Naomi was the youngest grandchild of 13, with 11 great grandchildren also in the family. “She’d already bought all the little ones their Christmas presents,” reveals Shiralee. “We don’t want them to forget her. People say suicide is a coward’s way out, but Naomi was a brave wee girl and I think if she could see us now she wouldn’t have done it. If children could see just what suicide does to a family then they wouldn’t want to put them through it. I don’t think they realise it is forever.”
Perhaps most frightening of all is that the tragedy of Naomi Wilson’s death is not an isolated incident. Dean Clarke (16) took his own life last month, Paul Cairns (14) in August, Wayne Browne, Stuart Fletcher and Lee Walker, all aged 15, committed suicide in June. Barry McGlade (20) and Nicolas Jamieson (24) were found dead in a Tyrone lake after a suicide pact in June and in the same month Londonderry student Louise Meenan (21) took her own life. And those are only some of the young names in Northern Ireland where the suicide rate is now among the worst in Europe. “I know a mother from Annahilt whose 15-year-old killed themselves a few months before Naomi,” says Shirley. “That is now something that me and this woman have in common. So many families are affected by suicide. People need to be more aware, especially of the fact that it’s not always the quiet ones that we need to watch. And children need to know there’s help. In school they learn about sex, drugs and drink driving - there’s someone that talks to them about anything apart from what they’re feeling.” Mr McReynolds agrees: ” I’m keeping in regular touch with my Girls’ Brigade group, just keeping an eye on them and how they are coping, and I know some efforts were made in Naomi’s school in the first few days after her death to facilitate pupils needing to talk.
“In bygone years if someone committed suicide their last act was considered a sin and they would be lost, but I think now there is a growing acceptance among most people of my profession that that person is a victim of something. Naomi wasn’t in control of her thinking processes, I don’t think she set out that morning thinking ‘I’m going to kill myself’. It’s so sad that she couldn’t have turned to somebody.
“I don’t believe the God I believe in would hold against someone driven to that.” Sadly, until more time, money and effort is spent understanding what drives young people to take their own lives, suicide will continue to be an epidemic across Northern Ireland. Naomi’s family is just one of many who this Christmas will be wondering why their child is no longer with them - tragically, by this time next year, there will be more.
Naomi’s family are holding a fundraising craft fair this Saturday, December 15 at the Lower Maze Hall, Halftown Road, Lisburn with proceeds going to help Realteen (a youth suicide helpline). Contact Shiralee Bailie for more details, tel: 07754560209